I never want to do laundry with a woman again as long as I live. I do not want to go shopping, camping, visiting either of our families or driving in a strange city with a woman ever again. I will cook breakfast, but not lunch or dinner, and she has to stay out of the kitchen before, during and after (I’ll do the dishes, thanks anyway). If this means I live the rest of my life without ever having intimate relations with a woman again, so it goes.
In Being There, Peter Sellers as Chauncey Gardener is sitting on the edge of the bed with Shirley McLaine as Eva Rand (thank you, Wiki). Eva seems very interested in having intimate relations with Chauncey, who is transfixed by the small television in the bedroom. In a voice as gentle as a garden mister in the hands of a master, so gentle it hydrates the most delicate flowers without disturbing their petals, Chauncey tells her he wants to pay attention to the television. “I like to watch,” he says.
I like to write. I love writing the broken lines, the paragraphs, the very short stories, the odes, chansons, dreams in the daytime. I conjure spells with all the delight of a fine candymaker – sweet, rich chocolate with no hint of redeeming nutrition. I seek the melting on the tongue, disappearing as quickly as it comes. It’s often inappropriate, so I don’t write my notes to people I do business with (though I write my own social greetings and embody Savaj tributes in the message). And when it gives offense (once in six dozen times), I am truly sorry and I take care not to write there again.
After that exquisite afternoon nap with you, my love (you know who you are), I really don’t need to sleep with a woman again. It could happen, and I would be happy, but it’s not a priority. I will never be married nor cohabitate again (I swear). But I’ll write. I recently signed up with personals again – I am not going to coffee, but there are intriguing questions from time to time that bring up NoblSavaj and through him, Minotaur – all the little devices lurking deep in my tarnished, beaten romance. I write without expectation of reply or continued correspondence. I write with deep care and sincere gift with no intention, pure or otherwise.
I just thought I should add that to the disclaimers.