Abyss, disappointment, confusion and resolve. From soaring to freefall, with little more than a desperate faith and sense of sovereignty, I am fixing a hole where the rain gets in. I am surrendering my day job.
Terror resides on both sides of this decision. I am frightened of the misperceptions and anger on one side and terrified that I may not be able to replace the money. I am also eager to reclaim my time and self representation. I will have to be more on top of me than ever before. I have to be my very best self, and create a different life for myself.
I am losing a lot as I bail: security, of course, but more important, a certain legitimacy. As I replace my income, I have to re-establish my business self. I will have to sell. I must be righteous. I have to be entrepreneurial. I gotta be real, real good.
And, thanks to this most excellent gig I have had, I have never been better. I have new knowledge, skills, understanding and confidence. While some asperse my attitude, their perspective is quite mistaken…I give everything I am, and I am sad it does not fulfill.
As a freelancer, I have other responsibilities. I must satisfy (I prefer to amaze) my customers. I have to offer perceptive service and deliver excellent product. I have to be five minutes early for meetings and produce extraordinary words overnight.
I can hardly wait to begin.